7 simple rules for dating my teenage daughter

30-Nov-2017 16:31

Consciously, it was because I liked Joan Jett while my classmates liked J-Lo and I wanted to make it clear that I was “different.” But looking back, I was very clearly in mourning for my entire adolescence.

I was an angry teenager; I dropped out of high school, chugged cheap vodka out of plastic bottles, and fantasized about the apocalypse.

When the communal, outward mourning ends and life appears to go back to normal, that’s the worst part — when the world goes on, not noticing the gaping hole that’s been left.

It’s how we put together a new role for ourselves in this irrevocably damaged world that shows how we really grieve — much more than those first few days of sobbing.

I cried and held onto fistfuls of his shirt like I had when he first told me that he wasn’t going to be living with us anymore.

I cried not just for the end of that perfect weekend, but for the next week, when we’d be back in different cities, on opposite sides of the country.

I cried for the coming summer, when I’d eat ice cream alone and wish he was there walking and joking with me.

When I heard that my father had died, I collapsed in tears on the living room floor.

I wasn’t crying because he wasn’t there right then.

I cried and held onto fistfuls of his shirt like I had when he first told me that he wasn’t going to be living with us anymore.I cried not just for the end of that perfect weekend, but for the next week, when we’d be back in different cities, on opposite sides of the country.I cried for the coming summer, when I’d eat ice cream alone and wish he was there walking and joking with me.When I heard that my father had died, I collapsed in tears on the living room floor.I wasn’t crying because he wasn’t there right then.I was crying because he would never be there again — he wouldn’t walk me down the aisle, he wouldn’t meet my children, he wouldn’t see me accomplish any of the things that he wanted for me.